Harry Potter Meets Hairy Potter
by HarryPot
Summary: This Is My First Fic, so be gentle! Harry meets a new person. Rated R for language and inuendo


I don't know why I wrote this piece of trash, but what the hell, it's worth trying! Oh, yeah, this is my first fic, so please be gentle!   
  
All these characters belong to J.K. Rowling.  
  
One day, Harry Potter was sitting on the crapper, when his best friend, Ron Wesley busted in and said, "Dude, I have to take a MASSIVE dump, and If you don't move, somebody will get hurt!"  
  
"Beat it, Ron, I'm doing god's work" replied Harry, very irritated. "I was here for two hours, and nothing has gone out!"  
  
"Ok, be that way" snapped Ron. "I'll take my business elsewhere"  
  
Harry then grabbed on the toilet paper holder, bit his lip, and gave it all he could. Nothing splashed down into the porcelain, but he let out the loudest fart, it registered a 2 on the Richter Scale, and was felt all the way back at London. Defeated, Harry pulled his pants up, and washed his hands. As he left the washroom, a half-meter tail of toilet paper stuck on to his shoe. When he got back to the fourth year Boy's Dorm, he found Ron beating off on Harry's Four-Poster.  
  
"Ron, what the hell are you doing? Point that thing somewhere else, and zip your pants up!"   
  
"Harry, you told me to beat it, so I did!"  
  
"Ron..."   
  
"Dude, Harry, I'm sorry! Oh no, CRAMPS!!!"  
  
Ron then ran to the washroom. Shrugging his shoulders, Harry made his way to the Great Hall to grab Dinner. On the way, he encountered Snape, who stopped  
Harry and inquired "Where are you going Potter?"  
  
"To the Great Hall to eat dinner"  
  
"And why would you want to do that Potter, you just ate."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Don't Huh Me, Potter, you were just at the Great Hall. I saw you, you were hitting on Ms. Granger."  
  
"You don't understand, Professor Snape, I was just at the washroom."  
  
"Excuse me, Potter, but I do not want to hear about your escapades in bowel movement. Five points from Gyfendor!  
  
"Ass Scratchier", hissed Harry under his breath, as Snape walked away giggling to himself. Harry kept on walking to the Great Hall. He got there, and sat down. The ceiling was lime green that day, for some odd reason. Hermione sat down.  
  
"Well, you look pissed" commented Hermione as she added butter to her baked potato. "Yeah, I know what you are thinking, screw S.P.E.W, the elves seem happy."  
  
"Pissed? No! I'm just irritated that I have been on the John for two hours, and I still feel like I have to take a dump."  
  
Just then, Ron came in and sat down. He took single piece of lettuce, and started nibbling on it.  
  
"Ron, that's not the only thing you are going to eat, right?" commented Hermione.  
  
"No, I'm starving, this just helps me to try to get hungrier. And when I'm hungry, I get all ready to beat off"  
  
"OK..." said Hermione, disgusted.  
  
"Did you guys hear about the new kid at school?" piped up Neville Longbottom.  
  
"No" chimed all three of them.  
  
Just then a guy who shockingly looks like Harry walked up.  
  
"Wow, nice rack!" said the stranger to Hermione.  
  
"Yeah, I made it my self" replied Hermione, holding up the spice rack she made in her spare time.  
  
"No, I mean nice Melons!" the unknown guy said.  
  
"Yeah, I planted and grew them in the greenhouse." Said Hermione, holding up two Honeydews. "Aren't they large?"   
  
"Um, I mean, Nice Jugs!"  
  
"You think so?" as she held up two clay water jugs.  
  
"I'm talking about your breasts!" yelled the guy.  
  
"Yeah, I know!" said Hermione, as she poked the chicken breasts on her plate.   
  
"Look how tender they are!"  
  
"No, this!"  
  
The stranger ripped Hermione's blouse off. A roar of whistles erupted. Hermione, embarrassed, picked her stuff up, and ran to her dorm crying.   
  
"You horny bastard!" Yelled Harry pulling his wand out, and whacking Ron, who was beating off. "That was our friend!"  
  
"So?" replied Ron, zipping up.  
  
"Now as for you" pointing to the stranger. I don't know who the hell you are but this is your last warning! You do something like that to anyone, and..."  
  
The stranger then charged at Harry. For once, Ron was the one who held Harry back. Professor Dumbledore then came up and starting to talk to Harry.  
  
"Harry, you don't want to do anything to Hairy."  
  
"Who?"   
  
"Hairy. Hairy Potter. He is new here at Hogwarts."  
  
"How can that be? The magic quill, the sorting hat..."  
  
"Sometimes Wizards can make mistakes"  
  
"But wait, Hairy Potter, that would make him..."  
  
"Yes Harry, he is your..."  
  
To Be Continued...   
  
Did you like the story so far? Huh, Huh?  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
